PERFECTIONISM

Do you think that you are perfect to all people?

Sometimes even though you thought that you are already be a kind person that you think people would feel, there is must be something that could hurt people. 

Sometimes, I could be thinking that I have made a wrong decision to be with someone that you not really know their personality. Yes, I would feel comfortable but the limit still there. 

The hardest is when, you can do whatever you want to do towards yourself or other people but the other people can't do as what you have done.  

Why you need to criticise whatever people are doing? Meanwhile you can do whatever fucking you wanna do.

YOU REJECT AND YOU APPROVE

I don't really understand for those people who likes to reject other people ideas but ended up using the rejected idea to obtain the approval.

It was not once but more and different people. 

It is disgusting!

#2 What I Want

September 12, 2021 11:14 am

I am at the office right now. As usual, we do have weekend but the abnormal weekend where we need to work. I need a full weekend where I do not need to think about work. It started when the things that we doing right now became the thing that we don't like anymore. Not a passion anymore. Boring. Yeah, it's boring. 

I hate writing because it makes me to think the things that I shouldn't. However, I do writing whenever I feel to tell everything what I feel at that time but I hate the feeling.

Sometimes I realized I am a person who not easy to not to think of something. Overthinking. I struggle to not do so. I tried to make myself busy with something else but sometimes it's failed.

Back to the purpose of this entry.

I want a partner who wants to make an empire together. Who can support me. Who can be there anytime I need him. Who can always lend his ears to listen all my stories. 

A partner who I can be myself. Why should I being fake for someone that I wanted to spend my life with? Will I be happy by being fake? No. Absolutely no. 

Being fake is just to make people happy not me. 

The hardest in life is to find someone who can be real.

EASY COME EASY GO

In a relationship, we sometime easily fall into a strange feeling where we hardly to not to think about that person. Hardly to not to get in touch with that person.

The person that make we smile all day

The person that fill in the blank of our time where that space used to be blank or lonely

The person that making you wanna be better person day by day

Until the feeling is not the same from the other person

You will feel miserable

You will feel demotivated

You will feel the lone that you already left 

Why do we need to facing this kind of feeling?

It is normal, but it is abnormal when we easily fell because easy come easy go

Bear in mind

This is bullshit. Yes

What you have to do is try slowly ignore the person that dump you

COVID 19

It has been a while not posting any on my page.

Today is 09072021

The new case of virus infected is 9k.

What do we expect for now? I am grateful for what I had and currently have. I still have a job. I still working. Some people out there losing their job, jobless. Some are single and some are married with children to feed. 

The situation is worsening. The case not even decrease even though people working from home (some). The jobless need to survive. People struggle to find money and food to pay the needs. White flag is raised. 

Seeing and read the struggle, the hard, the tough days of people to survive is pitiful, making me cry. I afford to have food while some people not even had their first drink in the day.

Sad

I don't really understand when the intelligent people denied the source of the number of cases, still ignore, still let the source of the number of cases causing more and more. Why?

Please do something.

Even people who working from home need to go outside. Staying home also not good. The stress of working almost exploded.

People need to go outside to get some fresh air. Need their life back. 

Yaa, it is not all the fault pointed to that party but as the responsible party they need to do something to contain and make better.

ITS GETTING WORSE

05/06/2021, 02:55:43 AM

Writing in the middle of the night. Crying and crying. I don't know what is happening to myself. I didn't get hurt. I am supposed okay right now. I tried to be okay. I am trying to not making people annoyed with me. 

I need someone. I cant stay alone. I cant stay quiet. I cant stop to texting people. But I know its going to make people annoyed with me. Not all people like to being disturbed.

Whenever I am thinking to not making people annoyed and I have to stand by myself, I cried. I dont know why. 

I am sorry to being so childish and dependent. 

Am I getting worse?

MENTAL HEALTH

My mental health at the moment is not really in a good state. 

Easily to cry and lots of crying scene in a week

Easily to feel down

Easily to feel alone

Easily to give up

Tend to do nothing even though I have lots of work

I am not the past few months person

Lazy and very lazy

I even feel sad with myself

I feel like my laugh is a fake. I will suddenly stop laughing when I say its fake because I try to laugh to something that not really a joke. I don't know why I cut my laugh.

GAMBLING

When u chose someone it doesn’t mean that u found the right one. 

Life is gambling. 

We never know what would comes and happens in future. 

We will never be able to expect on someone. 

Regardless up or downgrading the life doesn’t mean u are better than someone else’s. 

It is good if u are better and rizq for ur partner.

But whenever and wherever ur, never ever downgrading people.

LET IT GO

Sometimes it comes when the time is not right. 

Sometimes it does not meant for u. 

It’s hard and hurting. 

Everybody knows. 

If it belongs to u it will stay. 

Being friends wasn’t a good choice. 

Yes, eventually it would be depending on the circumstances. 

If it’s not, we have to let it go.

Goodbye.

DECISION

Hi.

Decision is the only thing that we need to do for every second in our life. We have to decide what we want to do next. Do we need to this or that? Is it necessary? Even, we have to decide what we want to eat? Where we want to eat? When we going to sleep? 

Decision is the hardest thing to be made. 

Sometimes, decision that we made is only valid to the particular time. We can't expect what will come from anything.

We can only expect things from ourself.

Yes. 

Decision to continue alive

Decision to eat

Decision to shower

Decision to do work

Decision to sleep

Decision to get in love

Decision to leave

Decision to let go

Everything. And I choose to let it go.